Ever since I was young, my biggest insecurity was found in friendships. I was always so scared to be myself around people because I just assumed that they wouldn’t like me. What I did, instead, was made myself into whoever the person I was trying to be friends with wanted me to be. It. was. exhausting.
Where this insecurity stemmed from was two places: 1) Me not loving me and 2) Experiences with “friends” that left me emotionally bruised.
This is not to toot my own horn at all, but I truly believe that my (at times) awful experiences with people who I thought were my friends have led me to want to be a great friend today. It sucks feeling like people don’t love you for you. But friends, that is not a reason for you to not love you.
Over the years I have had my “friends” talk behind my back (who hasn’t) and I’ve also had “friends” who left me out all the time and ended up just not wanting to be around me at all. Of course, my initial thought was, “What did I do wrong? What can I change about myself?”. A lot of times there are things we should work on just to become better versions of us, but my issue was that I wanted to change the whole of who I was. This, then, led to other insecurities like physical insecurities and feelings of not thinking I was adequate or valuable.
Through my ups and downs with many different people who came in and out of my life, there have been a few that have stuck around. These few have been ones who have relentlessly been there for me through anything. These are ones who took time to get to know me…actual ME (that is such a beautiful and freeing feeling, peeps). These are ones who have loved me with such a real and raw love that I simply cannot put into enough pretty words. These are ones who, after getting to know me, have made the decision to stick by my side. They lift me up and affirm me when I’m lost and straighten me out when I am in the wrong. These are friends.
I prayed and prayed tirelessly for good friends and after years of hoping and waiting, the Lord revealed to me the people who he knew I needed in my life. Talk about a thankful heart!
Ladies and gentlemen, don’t change who you are to find acceptance. Feel acceptance in the freedom of you being and treasuring you. Don’t let others allow you to feel like you’re not good enough because, believe me, you are so much more than enough. You are exquisite and there is no one else in the world who could be you. Let the ones you call friends be ones who are constantly encouraging you and strengthening you, not ones who are quick to pick out your flaws and try to change you.
Most of all, always remember that you are living for the audience of just one, the one who sits on the throne in Heaven and never hesitates to step down from His throne to be with you and tell you that he likes you. =]